Monday, September 27, 2004

nakaw daw

nako naman....
bakit naman sa dinami-dami ng mga ipo-post sa blog eh mga nakaw pa!!!!!pero diba nagaa-add siya ng buhay sa space ko...kaya magnakaw na lang?
hehehehe....
pero may mga karampatang pagkilala naman sa mga totoong nagsulat diba? hindi ko rin naman siya inaangkin....kaya hindi pa ako kailangang sumumpa na nakapatong ang kamay sa Bible...so hindi ko pa kailangan si Tito Romy....
hwag na nga sabing maginOA eh....

When We Two Parted....George Gordon, Lord Byron

When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.

The dew of the morning
Sunk chill on my brow—It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame;
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o'er me—
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee,
Who knew thee too well:—
Long, long shall I rue thee,
Too deeply to tell.

In secret we met—In silence I grieve
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?—
With silence and tears.

pwede ba

pwede ba ako na lang ang nag-sulat nung tula...grabe pare nakakainggit siya pramis....
bakit ba may mga taong likas talagang magaling sa mga bagay na gusto nila...
kasi gusto nila yun...
hhhaaayyy.....
sumasakit na naman yung heart ko...
pano ba naman naalala ko yung patch adams...
o kasi talagang may problema na ko sa heart?
marami nang mga tabang nakapaligid sa heart ko?
highblood na ko?
o baka mild heart attack na ito...
pwede ba hwag maginOA....
hhhhaaaayyyy.....
pwede ba kasing galing din ako ni pablo neruda????
asa ka pa inah....
asa ka pa....

I do not love you... by Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

that this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.


the poem from Patch Adams...made me cry my heart out...:p

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

biro ng tadhana

may mga pagkakataon na kung saan talagang aakalain mong napagtitripan ka ng mundo.may mga pangyayari na kung saan ay magtataka ka kung ano talaga ang ibig sabihin no'n, kung di man ay kung anong mangyayari pagkatapos.
maghapon akong maghanap ng ChocNut. buong mundo na yata binulabog ko para magka-ChocNut lang ako pero walang nangyari. naiwan ako sa isang sulok na walang kausap at wala ring ChocNut.
Bigla na lang sumagi sa isipan ko yung bagay na pilit kong binabaon sa limot. bumalik ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko at tila ang bilis ng takbo ng buhay sa paligid ko habang ako'y nakatanga at gusto ko na lang mawala.
sinubukan kong magsaya at ngumiti kasama ang mga katropa pero walang nag-iba. akala ko'y matatakpan ng mga tawanan namin ang pagkatuliro ng utak ko. hanggang sa kinailangan ko nang umuwi kaya lalo akong nalugmok sa kalungkutan ko.
habang nakasakay sa jeep napasulyap ako sa magkasintahang magkaakbay. parang nilagyan ng gabundok na bato ang puso ko. napansin kong napatulala ako sa kanila kaya binaling ko ang aking atensyon sa labas ng jeep.
naglakbay ang diwa ko at parang gusto ko na lang din lumipad kasama ng isipan ko. sana naging simple na lang ang lahat at di na siguro ganito kakumplikado ang nararamdaman ko.
pagbaba ko'y nagpasalamat ako dahil malayo-layo pa ang lalakarin ko. kaunting panahon kasama lamang ang sarili ko at ang miserableng pakiramdam ko.
di ko alintana ang mga taong nagmamadali dahil sa ambon. binibilang ko ang bawat hakbang nang bigla kong maalala ang hinahanap ng panlasa ko.
kinatok ko ang tindahan ni aling emma para bumili ng ChocNut pero sabi niya kauubos lang daw. wala akong magawa kundi maglakad muli at magbilang ng bawat hakbang ko.
lumalakas ang ulan pero di ko yun pinapansin, ang hiling ko lang makakain ako ng ChocNut at mawala na ang problema ko. may magbigay lang ng ChocNut sa akin baka mapakasalan ko siya sa tuwa.
basang-basa na ako at lalo pang lumakas ang ulan pero di ako sumilong. gusto kong damhin ang pakikiramay ng kalikasan sa akin. pero pagtapat ko sa isang botika ay isang kamay ang humatak sa akin.
tumambad sa aking harapan ang taong nasa huling bahagi ng listahan ng mga taong gusto kong makita, ang ex ko. para siyang makakita ng lumang kaibigan at walang kaabog-abog ay tinanong ako kung may balak daw ba akong magpakamatay.
hindi pa ako nakakabawi sa pagkakagulat ay ngumiti ako na para bang ordinaryo lang ang mga nangyayari. ang sagot ko sa lang sa tanong niya ay kailangan kong makauwi kaagad.
sinabihan niya akong sumilong mula at tsaka inabot ang panyo niya. kinuah ko ang panyo at nahihiyang pinunasan ko ang basang-basa kong mukha habang pinanonood ko siyang kinkapa ang bulsa niya na tila may hinahanap. paglabas ng kamay niya ay nakita ko ang biro ng tadhana sa akin.
inilapit niya sa akin ang kanyang kamay at huminto sa pag-ikot ang mundo ko.
tinignan ko siya pero di niya matunugan ang mga bagay na tumatakbo sa isipan ko. hinihintay lang niyang kunin ko ang nasa kamay niya.
yung ChocNut....

Monday, September 20, 2004

Sunday, September 19, 2004

identity crisis

i always had a feeling that there is something wrong with me.....that a certain part of me is missing or just waiting to be discovered.but the thing is it might not be acceptable in the world which i live.
IDENTITY CRISIS is how i define this dilemma.
yes i am a girl....
but there was this instance wherein i felt something deep for this girl...
i don't know if it was admiration or infatuation but it was something that can bring butterflies in my stomach...ouch....something i wasn't accustomed to...that kind of feeling with a girl but i want to know the possibilities...
we became good friends and almost hang out everytime and anywhere....and some moments we almost treated each other like we were an item...a real couple...but not that intimate....
it felt good and at some moment it felt right...but i know that the society is not yet that ready to accept what we have...so we parted ways...
it was an awful moment in my life but i have to move on and i have to live my life "normally"....
so when i thought i got over it and i was okay with my life there comes this article on a magazine that brought back all the experiences that i want to escape....
now i just want to curl up and die...
or maybe hibernate in a very faraway land....
or migrate in a place wherein i can be john doe...
don't like this feeling....it was something that i want to forget
something i want to leave in my past...together when she said it was over...


jack

okay here's the thing...
i met jack through myspace...
then sa friendster...
wala lang
happy lang ako
kasi friend ko siya...
hehehe...

hug me please...

somebody please...
hug me...

Thursday, September 16, 2004

tampo effect



tampo ako sa lahat ng mga taong di pumapansin sa akin...
lalo na ngayon medyo KSP ang mood ko....
pero ayos lang
kasi alam ko busy sila...

buhay nga naman

buhay nga naman...
minsan di mo alam kung anong makikita mo
anong malalaman mo...
mga bagay na akala mo
kaya mong bigyang kulay
bigyan ng saysay...
pag may nadiskubre ka
pakiramdam mo sa iyo na ng mundo
pakiramdam mo kaya mong gawin ang lahat
pero may hangganan ang kasiyahan
may limitasyon ang kapangyarihan...
nakalulungkot man...
walang magagawa
kundi ipagpatuloy
ang paghanap ng bagong madidiskubre
hhhaaayyy....
buhay nga naman...
...........

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

page 697 chapter 7

i always thought that i will always be the same girl everybody knows.that i will live my life the way i was used to...that the values and attributes that i acquired will always remain in me.
but as i grow up and explore the world on my own i've learned that there are things which can change us in a way we never thought will happen to us.
my first year in college felt like a rollercoaster ride when i suddenly had this newfound freedom.the mixed feeling of happiness and somehow superiority enveloped me as i "started living life" but just like the normal ride it also felt nauseous.the happiness came when i had new friends and environment.superiority because i left highschool and the childish gimmicks attached to it while nauseous because i can consume more alcoholic substance than before (and also have a puke party after).
i had no control of myself that time that's why i flunked my way out of my first course then shifted to a course which is close to what i want.
with more time to waste i get myself involved in the student publication and making myself more than just "being aware" of the things that are happening around me.it opened my eyes on the real happenings in the society and the knowledge makes me want to do something about it.
the old me was transformed to someone who see and think different from other people.somebody who is not satisfied on knowing the truth but doing what i think is the right thing to do about it.somebody who has a purpose and role in the society...
not all the people around me are happy about my changes and it hurts me because i am satisfied with what's happening to me.but what hurts me the most is that the people that really matters to me are not that supportive to the path that i chose to take.
i don't know where will this rollercoaster ride bring me nor when will this venture end but as time goes by i have learned to put my hands on the air and enjoy the ride...and sometimes i scream for more of this adrenaline rush.
and when all these ends another chapter will open in my life.it will no longer be page 697 chapter 7 but page 954 chapter 8.

Monday, September 13, 2004

wherever you will go


i'm so bad...

i'm so bad...
i stole jhabby's photo...
para may mai-post lang ako sa photobucket...andon din si alex band...
so bad na inindian ko ang mama ko sa usapan namin...pero i feel guilty kasi i told her that i'm goin home....
i'm so bad...
but on the contrary......
i'm so good...
i helped someone with her assignment...
yun lang...
so much for this crap...
this is tamara...
signing off...

Saturday, September 11, 2004

justice

di ko makita yung sinasabi nilang justice sa buhay...kung meron man eh baka wala ako nun...di ko rin alam kung hanggang saan ang pasensya ko sa mga taong walang ibangv gustong gawin kundi kontrolin ang pesteng buhay na 'to....bakit kaya ganun?di ko naman sila pinapakialaman sa mga buhay nila bakit ako dinadamay nila sa kalokohan nila...alam ko walang pinatutnguhan itong mga pinagsasasabi k kaya mabuti na siguro tigilan ko na lang ito...medyo nakaka-loko na siyang tignan at basahin...salamat na lang at walang nagbabasa nito kundi ako lang...ang hirap...nampucha...minsan gusto ko na lang maging manhid....para wala nang hassle a di na talaga ko masasaktan....wala talgang justice sa mundo ko...baka sa iba meron...pwede kaya akong makahingi?kahit konti lang....ang hirap kasi ng ganito eh....pahingi ng justice.............