the outsider...

i tried pouring my heart out to him...but he didn't seem to understand...

i've always thought of all the things that's been bothering me a lot lately...i've been thinking of the instances where i felt that i am an outsider...even to my own family...they seem to have this bond where i don't belong, this special tie that i don't fit in...

no, this not just a mere teenage angst..i am way too old for that...but something about everyone at home makes me feel that i am not welcome, that i am not part of it...

i have always been afraid to ask how come they always get the best while i get the excess...or of what was left over...i always think, maybe there will be my turn...but so far the waiting has not been worth it...they still get the best...and i still have the left overs...i am too scared to ask why do i always get the least in everything...it's more than just the things that they have...but even in the most minute details...i always get to be last...

haven't got the courage to say that i want more...that i deserve more...but i guess i still need to look in me and find that courage...