Tug War

Nakapulupot ang dulo ng lubid
sa aking mga kamay.
Sa kabila, ikaw.
Hinahatak kita pabalik
sa akin. Hindi alam
kung yayakapin
o iiyakan.

Hinahatak kita pabalik.
At nagpapakirot
sa loob ang pangamba
na bibitiw ka. Hapdi
itong hindi mapapawi
ng taling ngumangabngab
sa mga palad.

Nakapulupot ang dulo
ng lubid sa mga kamay
at pulso. Silong nagbilibid
sa akin sa iyo. Dalamhati
itong aking tinatanganan
mula pa nang una
at hindi ako bibitaw.


*naantig ako...
http://www.tabulas.com/~soulfly

rough draft

eto po yung rough draft ng blog entry ko

nabasa ko minsan na ang bolpen ng isang writer ay laspag, kawawa at madalas nauubusan na lang ng tinta. mahirap daw kasi habulin ang nasa isip dahil kung gaano kasi kadalas ito dumating ay isang iglap din itong nawawala. ngayon ampanget ng sulat ko dahil hinahabol ko ang nasa utak ko. nahihirapan na nga akong isulat ng mabilisan baka di ko na maabutan. kumbaga sa bolpen, nagtatae ng husto ang aking tinta...tumatapon, kumakalat at dumudumi ngayon sa papel na ito ang mga nasa loob ng utak ko. di kasi ako ganun kabilis magtype kaya papel at bolpen muna bago ko isalin sa blog ko ---- na ngayon ay binabasa mo. ayan na, nagsisimula na akong maging interactive sa mga nagbabasa ng blog ko. hahaha!! (kung may nagbabasa man!)

sa totoo lang naunahan na naman ako ni diwa, di ko na siya naabutan, wawa naman ako. pero ok lang kasi dumudugo pa rin naman ang bolpen ko. actually, bolpen ito ng kapatid ko - isang uni pin fine line 0.1 - dinekwat ko sa kanyang napakakyut na mint green na pencil case. napapahinto na ako ng konti sa pagsusulat kasi medyo nagiisip na ulet ako sa magiging daloy ng entry na ito.

pakiramdam ko sa tuwing mauunahan ako ng takbo ng utak ko eh parang di ko alam kung saan ko ipupuwesto ang sarili ko.

naalala ko tuloy noong 4th yr highschool ako. transferee ako nun, walang kahit sinong kakilala sa eskwelahan bukod sa mga kapatid at sa vice pricipal (sa papel eh puro bura bura na at may edit pang irrelevant..nyahahaha). ganung pakiramdam na 1st day sa eskuwelahan na wala kang alam sa mga taong nandun at gusto mo na lang maupo sa isang sulok - kasi di mo alam ang lugar mo.

*edit edit bura bura*

pag di ko talaga mahabol si diwa ay naliligaw ako ng bonggang bongga pati na rin ang mga katha ko. gaya ngayon di ko alam kung paano tatapusin.

sa totoo lang nagtatae pa rin ng tinta ang bolpen na hawak ko. parang marami pa siyang gustong sabihin pero di makawala ang mga titik. marahil sa iba pang mga sulatin...pwedeng kapatid ko ang kasama niyang sumulat at maaring di ko na rin ito ibalik para maging "official katha-maker" ni inah. inaantok na ako at di ko na rin halos mabasa ang sarili kong sulat kaya ipapark ko muna ang pen ko (parang elementary lang na sumasagot ng slambook tccic, japan at italy)

st.zanjoe marudo *pray for us*
st.jake cuenca *pray for us*
st.gym instructor *pray for us*

pakpak

sana
lahat
ng tao
paru-paro...

and deliver us from all children...
AMEN

silent raptures

it was some days ago that i looked into your eyes and found the meaning that i have been searching for.

the soft scent of your hair weaving its way into my conciousness.

i never thought completeness can come so gently yet fully such as this. speechless ecstacy. silent raptures...

you kissed me on the cheeks. i think i blushed. it was a good thing nobody saw us.

it is funny how realization comes again and again, each time more intense, each time more gripping.

in those moments when we can actually pretend that the rest of the world is a million miles away...

it seems that i have found what being complete means...

only when i am with you.

x marks the spot

you hit me where it matters the most and x marks the spot

i know i was a fool. fools do stupid things and i've had my share. all because i was so afraid of being hurt again... or perhaps being hurt for the first time.

there are little children i know that are afraid of the dark because they do not want to see things in it. so afraid of something they have not even seen, that they literally fall apart if left alone by themselves. i never though that i could be so much like a child. when i lost you that was when i finally realized what i was...

yes, i was afraid of being hurt. i have read too many novels about love, heard too many friends' love stories, seen them break down right before my very eyes. told myself, as much as i can i would never want to be like that. i am mature and strong, and even minded enough not to fall into that snake pit. so i made very long wooden stakes, concrete walls as high as they could go. they were suppose to keep all else out... but they ended up keeping me in.

so one day you came and i did not notice much of you. just another face in the crowd. how wrong i was. a year later you were still with me, showing me that gem of a heart of yours. i got confused and set to distance away...

and just in time to realize what it was. the thing that i was distancing myself was what i was needing. you showed me how much you love me by letting me go... and my heart melted, right then and there.

i am not as blue as before, i smile every now and then. the reason is that something hit me. and X marks the spot.