-on hurting so much

i've begged a lot of times before...i've swallowed my pride and went as low as i can get just for the person i love...but how could someone be so cruel to test my love for you...i love you so much...that is so out of the question but doubting my love is like continuous stab on my heart...while wishing and hoping when will this be over...what you did feels like my heart was being ripped from my chest and torn til there was nothing else left...

i walked out today not because i want us to be over...i walked out because i am so hurting that i couldn't bear to see your face and tell you things that will only make me regret it...it's now my time to ask for some air and space so i can find in my self what are the right and beautiful things about us...

i love you so much and nothing will ever change that...but i hope someday you'll stop doubting and testing if i am for real...i am here to stay...for us...

no we are not yet over...am not gonna beg...am gonna fight for us because that makes me feel right...it completes me to the core of my being...you have my heart and you will forever have it...i love you so much...

-of moving on and having life again...

it was a wake up call for me...being left stranded for a long time has been a hobby for me...it has been a comfort zone...i dwell on things that i shouldn't have and blame it to the person who have caused me the pain. it never occurred to me that happiness is a choice ergo being miserable is also a choice...

it was then i realized that i have friends who cares a lot about me, who accepts me just as i am and who loves me and will be there no matter how sticky things may be. they are my source of happiness and my heart is just overwhelmed with joy that they have given me...i finally saw what i thought would complete me is just a mere illusion of how i want my life would be...

am gonna take things one baby step at a time...i have been in love with the idea of love, not really with the person...i have been searching for someone who can fill the emptiness in me but i only realized that am just removing from my heart things and people that really matters...i've learned to teach myself to grow up to prepare myself for the day when i will finally meet 'someone better'...

it has been a long time since i viewed life like this...a very long time since i mattered like this...and i love the way i wake up each day with a smile and a positive outlook...my happy ending is just somewhere but i am in no hurry to reach it...i have a lot of things to experience and the whole world to explore so from now on am gonna stop wondering what if...am just gonna look forward on what life would bring... :)

random blurbs....

i was staring at the monitor...listening to random songs...chatting with my davey (*hugs*)...then i remembered you...i thought of your eyes...the way you blink...the way you run your fingers through your hair and the little curl on your lips as you smile...it struck me again...you're no longer mine...it is sad that you did not realize how much i love you...

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well last friday i had a lot of fun and beer...can't even go down the stairs without the help of dino & james! hahaha... but it's all good...we had a lot of fun and that's all that matters...thanks to tl jesse, james, zeig, marf, janet, kat, aic, dino, jc, sherwin, amer & vivek for the company...and for making me so effin drunk...hahaha...am looking forward on our next session of 'never have i ever'....hahaha...it was so funny and it's what got me drunk in the first place...hahaha...

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well just for fun...i created some fansigns for my friend's blog...he said he's gonna show it on his next entry....pero pambasag lang ng moment...am gonna post my fansigns for him! labshue neyt! hahaha...